Have you ever asked for help but maybe didn't get the help you thought you needed? Does asking for help intimidate you? Asking for help successfully is one part skill and one part mindset. Let's dive into the science of asking for help.

Clear Communications are a Gift

If you are asking for help, are you clear in your expectations? Do you just say, "I need help?" Humans are primed to support and help each other. When we ask for clear, specific help, we are gifting two things:

• vulnerability, and
• the opportunity to serve.

Let's take a look what means to other person:

Vulnerability

If you are a leader in your home, your workplace, or your social community, people look up to you. Perhaps they are intimidated by your success. When you ask for help, you are showing your vulnerability which gifts them the opportunity to see you as "human."

Opportunity to Serve

As social creatures, we are primed to help and support each other. However, in our busy, every-day lives, we may not always be looking for ways to serve. By asking for clear, specific help, you are in fact helping the people around you. They receive joy in providing a good deed.

Emotions are Contagious: Spread Joy

When asking for help, you are gifting the people around you the opportunity to feel good. When you are specific in your request, you spread joy. You reduce the emotional burden for them. Wondering "how to help" requires their energy. In being specific, you take away that energy burden and spread joy.

Ask & Ask Again

"But wait, I asked and they said no!" I hear you. People are very busy, but because we are primed for help, we want to help. What does this mean for you?

When you ask for specific help and the answer is "No." understand the answer is really, "Not right now" or "I can't provide that specific help." Research shows that person who has been asked for help, is more likely to make time in their day and find the resources on the second time. If you need help, be prepared to be specific -- and ask repeatedly.

The research indicates that people feel guilty when posed with a reasonable request that they cannot fill. Utilize this natural, self-imposed guilt and provide an "out" for them by asking for support and help again. You are truly providing them an emotional and energetic gift by giving them a second chance to help.

How Specific?

The SMART method is a good place to start when asking for help.

Specific -- What exactly do you need to have done?

"I want your opinion."

Measurable - Is there a quantity that you need?

"I would like to get your feedback on this. It should only take 5 minutes of your time."

Achievable - Are you asking in the middle of a busy day? Right before a deadline? Did you wait until the last minute?

"I would like to get your feedback on this before next week's deadline. It should only take 5 minutes of your time."

Relevant - Are you asking the right person for feedback on this project? Does this person have the relevant skills to provide reasonable feedback?

"Hi, I recognize you're not on our team, but with your prior experience on these type projects, I would like to get your feedback on this before next week's deadline. It should only take 5 minutes of your time."

Time-bound - When do you need your help?

"Hi, I recognize you're not on our team, but with your prior experience on these type projects, I would like to get your feedback on this in the next day or two so I have time to take action before next week's deadline. It should only take 5 minutes of your time."

Mindset & Strategy

Being mindful of human nature wanting to help provides you with the energy and mental support you need to be repetitive in your asking. Remember that asking clearly and specifically is a service that you provide to the people in your network. They are primed to help. 

Being strategic and asking for specific help following a method similar to the SMART method helps you help them say yes. 

Give it a try!

Have you ever asked for help in this way? How did it go for you? I'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback in the comments!

Relevant Blog Posts:

Joy in Gifting, Power in Accepting