Speaker 1
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Are you an aspiring leader who knows you have more to offer but you can't seem to get ahead?
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Do you frequently feel overwhelmed and undersupported?
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Listen to the Overcome to Become podcast as we talk about actionable tasks and mindsets that you can apply to begin leading yourself.
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Hi, my name is Angela Buckley, your host and author of the Strengthen Nature leadership series.
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I'm a mother, consultant, triathlete, and author in Overcome to Become.
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I share with you the science, fact, and experience proven lessons I've learned in my own leadership journey to beat burnout.
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Thanks for listening.
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Hi.
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This evening I am here with my cousin, Full disclosure, Stephanie Wallenberg and we are going to do our client interview part or episode of Overcome to become.
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So thank you for joining us.
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Tonight is International Women's Day, so we have two powerful women online.
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I'm excited to talk to Stephanie and share with you some of her story.
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So Stephanie, would you like to introduce yourself?
Speaker 2
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Sure, absolutely.
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Thank you for having the space and holding this.
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Time to to share and to empower other women.
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So I really love, I love how close we've gotten over the years.
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So Angela is, yes, my cousin.
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We actually are twin cousins, cousin twins.
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We are both born on April 26th, so we have that very same kind of Taurus energy and.
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I mean, she's just always been my oldest older cousin.
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She's been in my life my whole entire life.
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I am truly inspired by everything that she's doing with Team USA.
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This leadership series is been something like, it's been fun to watch this piece of the journey with you, Angela.
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I think that it is really in alignment with a lot of things that I'm doing as well and it's been just really fun to bring other people on the journey with you.
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So I'm super happy to be here.
Speaker 1
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Thank you.
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Well, and you know, it was a snowstorm day.
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I think the day that you, like reached out and talked about the overcome to the overwhelm for the class.
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So it was a good day.
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I thought, boy, I need to have more snowstorms in my life.
Speaker 2
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Yeah, it was fun.
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It was at the beginning of last year.
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I actually had some more.
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Kind of mental space.
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I was currently taking time off work because we'll probably get into it.
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But I went through a major health crisis and I had never really taken time to really take care of myself.
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And in addition to everything I had to do physically, I understood that it was really important to invest in myself mentally growing my mental capacity.
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And so I I had a couple of girls.
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We were all in this Mindset boot camp together and I said, hey, my cousin's actually doing this workshop, Would you guys, would you take this class with me?
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And they jumped on board.
Speaker 1
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So like you know, thank you for again presenting the opportunity and creating the platform for this and thanks for inviting them and just having a cohort.
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It's so much more fun really.
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The class is set up to be individual if you want to, but when you go through and you have people that you can be talking to and touching base kind of on a regular basis, I just think it's more engaging to be with people while you're learning and growing.
Speaker 2
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Yeah, definitely.
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And I think it helps you grow a little faster too, because it accelerates everything that you're doing because you can kind of you different things are reinforced different ways and you see the work being put in action and how other people are applying it or what what what is challenging to you sometimes isn't challenging to them.
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What is really easy for you is challenging for them.
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And so you they can kind of like pick you up during a hard time and then you can then do the same thing for others and like lift them up.
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Like especially for accountability, like a self-directed program like this, it was just like hey, did you do week 1?
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Did you do week two?
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And it was like that accountability piece I think was really helpful.
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So I highly recommend doing it with a buddy.
Speaker 1
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Yeah, cool.
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Thank you.
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I, you know, it's I.
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Every time we go through it with someone, it helps me remember things like even though they're my words, I wrote them.
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It helps me also get better every iteration, get a little bit stronger in my mental mindset journey as well.
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People tell me sometimes, like you have it all together, or it looks so good or you look so strong.
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And I think Full disclosure, like that's not always the case.
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Some days I'm stronger and some days I struggle more, just like everyone else.
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But when you go through these steps, I think you're able to overcome those daily struggles or the struggle days more easily or more gracefully.
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And then maybe people don't see that as much.
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That doesn't mean that there's not a struggle going on, but that maybe it's not as apparent.
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And part of leadership, I think, is being vulnerable enough for people to be able to approach you and say, hey, I'm struggling, but also strong enough that when you are in a crisis, you can also lead people through that.
Speaker 2
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Yeah, I think it's just really adding tools to your tool kit and really equipping yourself as a leader you like.
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Yeah, you're right.
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You have to have.
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The ability to get through something and that at least the again the tools in your tool kit to get through it, to understand how to approach it, what put it in context.
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Comparatively speaking, is this a crisis?
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Is this like, do we need to sound the alarms or can we process this and can we learn and can we grow from this?
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And like where is the opportunity for growth is?
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I think what like a true leader is always asking like that, you know, there's never mistakes.
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It's just opportunities to learn, it's opportunities to grow.
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And I think classes and programs like this help strengthen that help reinforce that help you see that problem solving like equipping you again problem solving abilities other ways of de stressing other ways of not going to that overwhelm place saying OK, how can I.
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In a healthy, how can I process this in a healthy manner?
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And I think that the better you get at it, you know, you're a fitness enthusiast, I'm a dabbler, right?
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So the better you get at it, the easier it becomes.
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So this is like, it's just like with reps in fitness, you have to put in the reps with leadership and how you make decisions and how you address and process certain like things that come at you.
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So I just think that this is just another tool in your tool kit.
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It's just another.
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Arsenal, You know, thing you add to your arsenal, It's another treadmill in your gym.
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Whatever it is, the analogy is like, I just think it helps you get stronger and better at what you're trying to do.
Speaker 1
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Absolutely, I think so.
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I agree with you.
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So do you want to tell us a little bit about your background?
Speaker 2
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Sure.
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Boy, How much time do we have, Angela?
Speaker 1
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Well, we can always edit out, but maybe some of the things that you're doing for fundraising, certainly some of your shampoo slinging.
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Feel free to tell us how all of that sort of ties in for you.
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Yeah.
Speaker 2
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Yeah, so I always, I always just kind of laugh about this.
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I meet a lot of people, a lot of new people, and I.
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I very I I can't tell my whole story.
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None of us can tell our whole story.
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Like, I don't really have an elevator pitch.
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What I have is like different, like kind of chapters that I will leak.
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But So what I think makes me who I am is something that I really hated about myself.
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Most of my life like I hated moving.
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I hated being different.
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I hated all of these like aspects of my life.
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OK I moved a lot.
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I Illinois, Iowa, Missouri, Iowa.
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Like 8 times in like my like.
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From from kindergarten to high school, it's just it's a lot.
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And when you do that, you don't put down roots, you don't really know who you really are.
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You're always kind of reinventing.
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But it also gives you an opportunity to kind of reinvent yourself and grow each time.
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So while some people would that would kind of be debilitating to them, it kind of again added for me, a little bit of layers into my life.
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So now I'm in Queens.
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I live in New York, married with a.
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Beautiful little dog named Trevor.
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He's so cute and I, but I work with leaders all across the United States and I really find that being able to talk to my leader in Iowa about detasseling corn.
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Being able to talk to my leader in Tennessee about Mizzou being in the SEC, being able to talk to my people in New York about just like the struggles of having people poop in your driveway, like it really adds a different layer and dimension to you.
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So again, like something that I saw the weakness actually like really adds to my strength.
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I grew up.
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Like I said, I've moved around a lot.
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I'm in New York.
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I have AI, have a master's degree in public affairs with an emphasis in nonprofit management and a specialization in fundraising.
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And in the work that I do, you will never meet anybody that really says I.
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When I grow up, I want to be a fundraiser.
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And So what happens is you kind of stumble into it, which is what happened to me.
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I was supposed to go to law school, but being in.
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Development and in fundraising, you get to just meet all kinds of people.
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It was really what I was called to do my entire life.
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I love working in the nonprofit sector and I love helping people guide people to make giving decisions.
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So we're not guilting people into giving.
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We're not, you know, we're really guiding them to make giving decisions.
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And I love what I do and I teach other people, just skills and disciplines to do that.
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But yeah, it's very multifaceted.
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Like you said, I also run a team of girls direct sales and we do.
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We do shampoo, hair and skin care.
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And in a million years I would have never thought that that would be part of my journey.
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I actually dodged the woman named Vicki Vicki.
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If for whatever reason you're hearing this in your pink Cadillac in Columbia, MO, I would not go to Panera if I saw your Cadillac there, 'cause I didn't want to get harassed by you.
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So, but I love what I do, and I think that what it was is Vicki just saw something to me that I didn't quite see in myself yet.
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So by by working this shampoo, hair and skin care business, it's made Angela and I closer like we were able to reconnect over it.
Speaker 1
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I've been able to reconnect with all and my hair's long and curly now tight her.
Speaker 2
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Hair's long and curly.
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She came to me.
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I think she said I I wanted a Pixie cut and I got a mullet.
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No one wants a mullet.
Speaker 1
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Someday I wonder.
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I must have pictures.
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I may have to do some horrible before and afters.
Speaker 2
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Side by side for me, but it's like so like there is nothing better than instilling confidence.
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I think that and that's what I think that you see that with you know with your program because it allows people to really get to problem solving better.
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And so that that piece of my life is something that I really, really enjoy.
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So but Dad, that's kind of like my story.
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So yeah, I'm.
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I'm in New York.
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I grew up in the Midwest and I'm just still trying to figure out who I am because I think that if you're a lifelong learner, you're never gonna age like you're you're old.
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I I I coach people that are twice as old as I am that are literally taking notes as I'm talking.
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I'm like, what could I possibly be saying that you haven't heard before?
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But I think that those people also don't age.
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Those people are timeless.
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And I that's what I want to strive to be always a lifelong learner.
Speaker 1
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I always talk about like we've been really blessed in our family because we have people who have some leadership skills who also spend a lot of time in self reflection, right?
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So I feel that although there have been some challenges as well, at least we knew to look for that development.
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Whereas I think if you come from a family that doesn't have that background, how do you know what you don't know?
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Like if you've never seen somebody exhibiting leadership or if you've never seen someone who really handles difficult situations gracefully, you learn to mimic what's around you.
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And that's unfortunate.
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So there are many people in the world who can, who have leadership potential but have never had that leadership potential developed within them.
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And maybe they're in a life situation that doesn't allow that.
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But one of the opportunities that we can afford through the programs that you and I both offer is development when it isn't immediately available in your home life.
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And you just don't know what you don't know.
Speaker 2
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You don't know what you don't know.
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And you're right, Angela.
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I think that we take it take for, we take for granted what we were always kind of raised with.
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We were raised with people who were all like even pastors are kind of their own entrepreneurs.
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They're their own self leadership, They're their own bosses.
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We were just not raised in a around a circle of people that always just kind of did the same thing because that was what they were told to do.
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And I think that, yeah, it allows you to.
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Really expand your thinking and see what's possible and but plugging and playing into something like this is invaluable because look, can I share just a quick story?
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Yes please.
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So I so I I hosted.
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Weekly call and my one of my so I write mission statements for organizations.
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So my challenge to my team is that we wrote our own mission statements.
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So last year, my mission statement I created for myself was I'm a creator of wealth, friendships and dreams.
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So a you know, a creator.
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And then wealth, friendship, friendships and dreams.
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So I'm on a call with complete strangers.
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None of these people knew each other before I brought us all together, right?
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And it was through the shampoo.
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And one of the girls on the call who didn't know any of the other ones ended up having a miscarriage.
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And when she found out and she's new, I'm talking like she's only been around for about two months and she comes in and out.
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She's very irregular.
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But when that happened to her, she reached out to one of my other friends who is who's plugged into the team into the call.
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And I'm like, wow, like, so you're you're in your 30s.
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So to me it's just like that's kind of the epitome of what my mission statement is.
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Like I am creating friendships like I when she's in a time like this and but it was like literally plug and play into a program that she didn't have access to her entire life.
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And I think that by giving that, by providing that you're really it's an invaluable resource that you can give somebody else.
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And letting them plug into it where they haven't ever seen like, OK, what does even self leadership look like?
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What does inner dialogue sound like?
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I don't even know how to talk to myself.
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I only know how to talk to myself in a negative space.
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Right?
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Yeah, it's that.
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That's all that we know.
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That's all that you know, it's sometimes it's easier.
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It's always easier to talk to yourself in a negative, and that it's never as productive as trying to again look at any everything.
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As an opportunity for growth.
Speaker 1
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So do you know there's there's a lot of psychology associated with this negative self talk obviously, but the science that we understand now, one of the reasons we're more inclined towards negative self talk is because if we think we don't make it, we don't have a lot of emotional energy invested in it.
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But then if you do make it like whatever this, whatever your goal is, the reward is really high because I didn't invest a lot of energy in the first time, right?
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So I'm not investing by being negative, but if I happen to make it for whatever reason, then this, the dopamine hit is super, super high.
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But if I'm working really, really hard towards it, which actually makes you more likely to achieve your goal, there's more energy.
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So when you achieve the goal, you're sort of like, well, I worked for it like it's not as much of A win because you've invested more, Even though what we find is that the more you invest, the more frequently you win, but you don't have this big jump.
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And so there's a lot of psychology associated with positive talk, taking more energy but then having more positive results down the road.
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But when you do positive talk and then you don't make it whatever your goal is, it's very crushing.
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And so you have to spend more energy to get back up to do that.
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So there's this.
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It's it's really like a self preservation energy thing, and yet what it does is actually hold you back.
Speaker 2
00:18:20.08
Wow.
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It doesn't.
Speaker 1
00:18:22.32
It doesn't allow you to be the person you're created to be, right?
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Right.
Speaker 2
00:18:26.52
Don't reach your full potential and that's like that's one of my other like mission statements is like I want people to realize and reach their full potential like forget about reach it like first you have to know it.
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And I think that that's also where your program is.
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So helpful because it's.
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You can't hit a target you can't see.
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And so part of it is, is goal setting, outlining like what a win looks like.
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And like, I mean, the analogy that I always say is like you don't go to a gun range blindfolded.
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Like you have to see the target and if you can't see the target, you can't hit it.
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And I think that that is just something that people just shy away from because like, they don't want to.
00:19:01.00
Well, I don't want to.
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I don't want to.
00:19:03.48
I don't want to miss it.
00:19:04.60
So it's just like.
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I'm not even going to try to hit it.
00:19:07.12
It's like you can't hit a target you can't see.
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You have to set some kind of goal.
Speaker 1
00:19:11.40
So one of the things that I want to say about the goal setting is that it's OK to set small iterative goals.
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Because when I think about hiking in the woods, you can't always see the top.
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And I do a lot of hiking up in the Adirondacks and there are quite a few of the 46 high peaks that do not have trails.
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So you have to be able to navigate.
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Yes, I have a topography map, but you can't always see the top from for those types of mountains.
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So you're navigating from perspective to perspective and that's OK.
00:19:49.00
Even when you talk about goal setting, you don't always have to be like, I'm five years old and I want to go to the Olympics.
00:19:55.44
You can say I want to make the soccer team.
00:19:58.52
I want to be the fastest kid on the block.
00:20:01.24
You can set goals that are appropriate for yourself and build upon those goals and so you can see what that one is.
00:20:08.96
Maybe that is a goal that fits in with a larger dream.
00:20:12.04
Not everybody has larger dreams.
00:20:14.52
I tell people all the time, I absolutely never dreamed that I was going to play the Elkhorn for Arnold Schwarzenegger twice.
00:20:25.36
Right.
00:20:25.52
Like, this was not a dream.
00:20:28.72
And yet I now travel the world and lecture at universities with my Alport, right?
00:20:35.56
Like, it's a crazy, it's a crazy thing.
00:20:39.00
But when I first started, I was like, I I just want to play with my friends and have fun.
00:20:43.80
And then I was like, well, I really want to get good.
00:20:46.92
There's really opportunity and and every opportunity just allowed me to stand a little bit higher and a seat a little bit farther.
00:20:56.08
And now I kind of have some pretty big goals.
00:20:58.68
But I never started that way.
00:21:00.72
I sure as heck never said in high school or college or anything that this is what I was going to do for, you know, a pretty exciting hobby.
00:21:10.92
And yet, I literally hike mountain peaks and play this instrument on the top.
Speaker 2
00:21:16.60
I love that.
00:21:17.28
I think that.
00:21:18.68
I think that you're absolutely right.
00:21:20.36
So you don't always know what the end, what the end is.
00:21:24.12
And I think again, like that's that whole piece of like realizing what your, what your potential even is and that that's part of that journey.
00:21:30.92
But if you're if you're like stuck in a lane, like this is what I'm gonna do.
00:21:34.60
And like, this is the best that it gets and it's not gonna get any better than that.
00:21:37.84
And I'm gonna do this because this is what my dad did or whatever.
00:21:40.92
You're never gonna realize or even get close to reaching your full potential.
00:21:45.44
So, like, it's like a discipline.
00:21:47.76
It's hard work to move outside of your comfort zone and like annually, daily, weekly, You know, really it's like chasing set goals because it is harder.
00:22:01.48
But the payoff for you know a person like myself, a person like you, a person with drive.
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That's what that's what.
00:22:09.88
That's what it's worth it.
00:22:10.96
That hard work is worth it after the payoff.
00:22:13.24
So I love when you said, like, I didn't think I was going to do this, but then I started doing it and I wanted to get better.
00:22:18.24
I'm like, well, that's that's Wallenberg, right?
00:22:20.32
Like I just wanted, I can't just do it as mediocre.
Speaker 1
00:22:23.80
I'm like, I got to be the best and I got to be everybody else trying if I'm going to show up, I'm going to do the work we're going.
00:22:30.36
To do it, Yeah, that's just that's just like definition for existence.
00:22:35.28
So yeah, but but it's fun.
00:22:41.72
I don't know, like if I have the skill and I've been gifted with some things.
00:22:48.96
I feel like part of part of our payback, I guess, for lack of a better word, is to use the skill and develop it for the world and share that for the world.
00:23:02.04
And for me, the music is where I really give back, right?
00:23:05.88
Like I play the little music that's on the entry to this podcast, but my child has taken lessons where we, everybody in the family does some sort of music somehow.
00:23:17.48
But we give a lot of public concerts, they're free concerts.
00:23:21.64
We go talk to the schools.
00:23:23.24
The children have never seen these instruments and we're sharing and I think part of having the gift of learning how to work is that's a little bit of the vehicle of learning how to be iteratively better, set those goals a little bit more and a little bit higher each time.
00:23:43.04
Music happens to be a vehicle of learning for me, but it also happens to be a great vehicle of giving back, of sharing with others and bringing a little bit of joy.
00:23:54.92
And, you know, people turn their head and we like, that's crazy.
00:23:58.60
But I tell people all the time, you never heard a sad polka song.
00:24:03.00
Like in the country song.
00:24:05.12
You're like, oh, I lost the guy, I lost the girl, the whiskey bottle, whatever.
00:24:09.60
You got a lot of those, but like in polka?
Speaker 2
00:24:11.80
It's always happy.
Speaker 1
00:24:13.00
It's always happy, like you never heard a sad polka song.
00:24:16.40
So I realize it's pretty niche.
00:24:18.72
Not going to lie, but it's always fun.
Speaker 2
00:24:22.00
I think that SO like to bring it back to.
00:24:26.08
Kind of what the focus is for this week would be in the nature, right?
00:24:28.96
Like, so playing your alpha horn outside is like like very something.
00:24:33.32
When people hear it, they're like, what is that?
00:24:35.24
What's going on?
00:24:36.04
What is that?
00:24:36.56
And I just think, I think that nature allows us to really see outside of ourselves too.
00:24:43.12
So I always joke that like my, my favorite vitamin is vitamin CSCA.
00:24:48.28
Like I have.
00:24:49.16
I get so much energy.
00:24:51.96
When I'm next to the ocean, when I'm next to the water, I think that nature has such a powerful healing component.
00:25:00.36
And if you can, so and then so.
00:25:02.08
My favorite hobby is all.
00:25:05.04
So if you can marry like it's the alpha horn, being outside, golf being outside, like there's no reason that that is something that we can just, like totally get behind.
00:25:15.52
Because it's just like, I love to be outside.
00:25:18.28
It's like quiet.
00:25:19.40
It's peaceful.
00:25:20.28
I mean, part of my journey is that I had a brain tumor.
00:25:25.64
Benign brain tumor.
00:25:27.72
Last year moved.
00:25:28.68
It took my one year like I'm single sided deaf now, but like one place where it doesn't bother me at all is on the golf course because it's already such a quiet, peaceful atmosphere.
00:25:43.20
And I think that like, what a blessing that is for me is that something that I already love has now become something that I love even more.
00:25:52.20
Because I feel like I am not missing out on anything.
00:25:58.20
Something else I really used to love would be going out to dinner with like 10 people.
00:26:02.20
That's not an option anymore.
00:26:03.76
Like it just frankly isn't like 4 is kind of the Max.
00:26:06.28
Like once I get a you know, 5th, 6th person, unless I'm the person I always have to sit at the head because I can't.
00:26:12.56
I can't sit on the end.
00:26:14.36
So for it's this is not as enjoyable.
00:26:17.16
But it's not fun.
00:26:19.16
And so I just, I feel really blessed that I can be outside in nature getting that healing component of just fresh air, the beauty of being in nature period in the story and do something that I love.
00:26:33.32
So I just, I think that marrying those two probably for the both of us make them even more meaningful.
Speaker 1
00:26:41.16
Oh yeah, absolutely like it.
00:26:43.32
I even drew a Venn diagram for one of my little high school classes that I talked about.
00:26:48.40
It's music.
00:26:49.96
It's engineering and science.
00:26:51.68
It's physical because I'm hiking.
00:26:53.36
It's outdoors.
00:26:54.48
And like, right there in the middle is this random instrument called the Outborn, right?
Speaker 2
00:27:00.68
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1
00:27:03.04
Do you know why?
00:27:04.68
Because we talk a lot about the science of of why we like these things and why it's healing.
00:27:09.56
Do you know why you like the vitamin C so well?
Speaker 2
00:27:13.52
No, But can you educate me?
Speaker 1
00:27:15.24
Oh yeah, it's a pop quiz to see if you listened to last week's episode.
00:27:19.20
Sorry.
00:27:21.36
We get.
00:27:22.44
So when waves crashing on themselves, the babbling brooks, the literally waves at the seaside, there are negative negative ions are released from the waves and the negative ions, they attack the free radicals in our body.
00:27:40.96
So it actually helps sterilize literally the air around us and it helps us absorb and just literally be healthier and have a have a grounding in our literally grounding in our bodies.
00:27:56.92
And so that is physically causing that sense of peacefulness because it's reducing the positive charge that makes us kind of like amped up, but the negative charge helps our body clean itself and actually drives a little bit of that relaxation.
00:28:13.48
Wow.
Speaker 2
00:28:14.56
So it's not just like, so people in Greece aren't just like, you know, magically happier.
Speaker 1
00:28:19.36
They actually are happier for a scientific reason too, right?
00:28:23.56
And and there's a lot of science, like there are more of the negative ions in the forest than there are in cities, like in the in a given square mile or something.
00:28:35.76
So what you're breathing, what you're exposed to when you're in a green space, is literally physically healthier for you than outdoors.
00:28:46.92
Or being outdoors in a cityscape, even.
Speaker 2
00:28:51.16
I love it.
Speaker 1
00:28:52.64
And that's one of the things that, like even during the 1918 pandemic, one of the things that finally brought the pandemic to a close, they just started doing outdoor hospitals.
00:29:07.08
And people that were being housed in the outdoor hospitals were having a higher recovery rate than the people that were in the indoor hospitals.
00:29:16.92
And it was one of the things where they finally just said, listen, there's there is a sterilizing effect with these ions.
00:29:24.56
Like they didn't know everything that we know now, but there is a sterilizing effect with that and it helps your body fight and it helps your body knockout those, those viruses.
Speaker 2
00:29:37.16
Wow, that's cool.
00:29:39.28
Yeah.
00:29:39.56
I mean, for me, it was just kind of like, you know, recently with the the pandemic, it was golf was the only thing that stayed open, so especially in New York.
00:29:49.08
And so I really felt super double blessed that, like, my favorite hobby was still available to me.
00:29:55.68
Like, I was still able to play golf and it was a it was a place in New York.
00:30:00.88
It was like you couldn't get a tee time.
00:30:05.84
Literally, you couldn't get a tee time.
00:30:08.08
I had just literally signed paperwork like 3 days before the shutdown to join a Country Club, not having a clue what was going to happen.
00:30:18.68
But boy, it was like the most timely thing.
00:30:21.28
I one of the most timely things I've done because I was like, wow, like, I feel so blessed to have this paperwork in and be able to just go play golf, like, literally whenever I want.
Speaker 1
00:30:31.56
Yeah, I mean endurance athletes, right?
00:30:34.00
We had a we didn't do group rides as much anymore, and we definitely didn't do group runs.
00:30:41.96
That was a big hit to us.
00:30:46.20
Outdoor, like when we do outdoor swims at the Lakes, we're not that close to each other.
00:30:51.28
I don't.
00:30:52.04
I'm not on a local team anyway, so it doesn't matter.
00:30:55.32
So a lot of those things were still available to me.
00:30:59.20
But one of the most fun things that I did during that time period, and sadly, more people did it.
00:31:05.44
We do this all the time.
00:31:06.36
Anyways, Aiden and I are backpackers.
00:31:09.28
So we have a lot of good backpacking gear.
00:31:12.96
So it was not any challenge for us to be like, OK, throw the stuff in the bag, let's go, the weather's good.
00:31:20.24
Let's.
00:31:20.56
Go And when you're hiking out in the in the mountains or the woods, we hike in the forest areas, not the park areas, so you don't even need permits.
00:31:30.12
And that was never a problem before the pandemic because we could walk for days and not see people and all of a sudden we're like, what?
00:31:37.00
There are people.
00:31:38.28
There are people in the woods.
00:31:39.76
There were never people in the woods before, and now, like you, there suddenly the campgrounds were full and it was very different experience when the rest of the world decided to go outside.
Speaker 2
00:31:54.48
Yeah, I hope that that's something that kind of sticks too, because there is so much healing and beauty that happens in nature.
Speaker 1
00:32:06.20
I wish we could build that into the United States kind of culture, like build that into our day-to-day walking.
00:32:15.24
Like we were talking earlier that my son got his first job and he's able to ride his bike.
00:32:21.68
We intentionally purchased a house with a neighborhood that has bike paths almost everywhere and even like places that go underneath the major roads so that the children aren't crossing major intersections.
00:32:36.24
Like you just rot.
00:32:37.20
You go in the little tunnel underneath and you know he's able to have a little bit more freedom because I trust him to be on bike paths and away from cars.
00:32:49.96
And I wouldn't necessarily trust him like the neighborhood I lived in growing up with similar economic socio economic to where I am.
00:33:01.36
But the but it's an older it's just an older neighborhood and the economic or the the demographics, the building structure wasn't there of thinking about let's have bike paths let's have ways of having people get around without the car having this, this neighborhood has actively thought how do people get from point A to point B without a car.
00:33:26.56
And that makes a huge difference for the children even you'll see like, people going to restaurants on bikes or on foot, and you might see that more in an inner city where it's hard to move in the car.
00:33:41.36
But around here, we do it because we want to and we can.
Speaker 2
00:33:45.76
And the city intentionally built these neighborhoods to make them walkable.
00:33:49.88
I think, yeah, I mean, being in New York City, being in Queens, you learn like just you walk, 'cause it's easier than driving.
00:33:58.40
And we were in Florida one time and we were at a wedding.
00:34:02.56
And it was like we were setting up in this, like we're at this pavilion thing and you could see the CVS, it was just across like a four lane highway.
00:34:10.32
It was like, well, we'll get in the car and go grab what we need.
00:34:13.44
And my husband Tom was like, or I'll just walk like I can see it, you know?
00:34:20.16
And it wasn't even something in their mind to even, like, think about like, oh, I could just walk.
Speaker 1
00:34:25.76
It wasn't even like an option, but sometimes when I've been in Florida, there was no way to get across the road without a car.
00:34:33.12
Yeah, like they haven't built that infrastructure to be pedestrian.
Speaker 2
00:34:37.72
Friendly Yeah.
00:34:39.20
So even I guess is really cool, 'cause it has all the upper sidewalks.
00:34:42.72
Like, it's very pedestrian.
Speaker 1
00:34:44.36
Yeah.
00:34:44.84
Yes.
00:34:45.76
And Milwaukee has like the breezeways because it's super cold.
00:34:51.68
So you go up and you go over and then you don't have to hit all that wind.
00:34:55.92
I have a question for you kind of back to our topic.
00:34:59.76
Can you talk about a time where you just felt like over really overwhelmed, right?
00:35:08.56
Like not necessarily burnout, but maybe burnout where you're just like I need to sort of restart and sort of get back to good habits?
Speaker 2
00:35:19.00
I would say that.
00:35:22.44
For me, I've had a couple of those, but I'm going to, I think I'm going to take it back to one of the biggest ones because it was kind of just, it was a it was a physical move and so it was it coincided with a bad breakup.
00:35:39.28
I was I had just graduated from my master's program and I took a six month contract out here in New York to raise $3,000,000 and I put all my stuff in storage.
00:35:52.04
In in Missouri, I had full intentions on returning.
00:35:56.68
I had 0 intentions on staying here.
00:35:59.20
I just needed that break and I think during that time I could have succumbed to the overwhelm.
00:36:08.52
Like, really and truly Angela, I had never spend by myself.
00:36:13.36
I'd always been surrounded by so many people.
00:36:17.32
I was kind of.
00:36:18.24
I was kind of like a chameleon.
00:36:19.88
I could kind of be in different groups and be around different people, and I could.
00:36:24.32
But I was never alone.
00:36:25.92
Never ever alone.
00:36:29.20
And I would just spend hours in Times Square, one of the busiest places in the world, and I would sit there with star at the Starbucks coffee.
00:36:40.56
And I would just like process like who?
00:36:43.00
Who am I?
00:36:44.44
I had to get to know myself.
00:36:46.76
I didn't know what I was doing.
00:36:48.64
I hadn't been reading any self leadership books.
00:36:51.36
I didn't know.
00:36:52.12
But what now?
00:36:52.76
What I do know is that.
00:36:55.36
I was just kind of like unearthing who I was.
00:36:59.24
I got to know me.
00:37:01.00
I got to become best friends with me.
00:37:04.28
I got to really understand who I was without the distraction of all of these other people around me, kind of shape shifting who I was depending on what what audience I was in.
00:37:18.00
I would still say like I have that ability to shape shift.
00:37:20.92
I think that I can.
00:37:22.56
Basically what I think it is now is it's just like a relatability.
00:37:26.48
I can be able to relate to different people from different walks of life.
00:37:31.32
Like I said earlier about like the the leader in Iowa we talk about the tasks Lane and it's just like you know I just I have that ability.
00:37:38.96
But it's not something that I rely on.
00:37:40.80
I don't have to like, kind of like hide underneath this comfort blanket of, well, I need to be like everybody else.
00:37:47.24
And so for me, I was overwhelmed and and I just doubled down on, you just have to kind of go through this like you have to be OK, like being uncomfortable.
00:38:03.88
Because, and now, like, from everything I read right, like growth doesn't happen in your comfort zone.
00:38:09.12
And I didn't know that.
00:38:10.96
But really just getting incredibly uncomfortable was how I was able to have a breakthrough.
00:38:18.56
And I think that it was really something that changed my life.
00:38:23.20
And I'm really glad I didn't just float back to my comfort zone, because I was able to really become the person who I think I was created to be.
Speaker 1
00:38:34.68
So if I can share a little bit, because we talked a little bit during the boundary setting section of the class, it sounds like maybe that time period was the first time that you were really defining your own boundaries from what you're just saying to me.
Speaker 2
00:38:54.88
Yeah.
Speaker 1
00:38:55.36
What's the first time to say, OK, like before, because you said chameleon, really what you were doing was building the skill set of empathy and understanding other people.
00:39:04.16
But when you're alone is when you have to say, but who am I without all the other people?
00:39:11.28
And I that's that opportunity of saying, OK, but these are my boundaries.
00:39:15.80
This is how I define myself.
00:39:17.88
And then, you know, I like to talk about minding the gates and the fences and who's allowed in and who's allowed out and at what time, right?
00:39:26.12
Some people are allowed in for the season and then they need to go.
00:39:30.40
I have friends that I like to hang out with for them for two or three hours.
00:39:35.44
After that, they become energy vampires, right?
Speaker 2
00:39:38.84
Right.
Speaker 1
00:39:40.44
So what does that look like?
00:39:42.00
And defining that those relationships.
00:39:44.64
But you have to know who you are in order to define that part of it.
Speaker 2
00:39:50.40
Yeah, before you can even be comfortable setting a boundary because boundaries are uncomfortable too.
00:39:56.72
It's not, it's not allowing people to dictate to you what they want from you.
00:40:02.32
You're now saying like, this is what I need.
00:40:05.08
This is the space that I have, this is, this is what I can do.
00:40:11.80
And it's harder to say no than it is to say yes.
00:40:15.88
But I I think by saying.
00:40:18.16
Yes, all the time.
00:40:19.72
I I would not say that I'm a people pleaser.
00:40:22.72
I'm not like I have a friend, Diana, she says she's a recovering people pleaser.
00:40:26.12
I am not.
00:40:27.36
But I think that when you if you are a people pleaser, then all you're doing is you're you're spending all this time pleasing other people and you're not investing in yourself at all because you're using all of your energy to like make, to make other people happy.
00:40:42.68
And that's just that's not a good use of you.
Speaker 1
00:40:46.00
That's a that's a nice, that's a nice way of saying it.
00:40:48.88
It's not a good use of you, right?
00:40:51.60
You're energized and then there's nothing left of you.
Speaker 2
00:40:55.96
There's nothing left.
00:40:56.52
You can't pour from an Indy cup, right?
00:40:58.68
I mean, then that's where that's how you get to the overwhelm.
00:41:01.36
It's like you, you just become so drained by giving, giving, giving, not setting boundaries, being a people pleaser.
00:41:09.52
Not saying no that you have no energy to protect yourself.
00:41:12.96
That you don't know what what you can and can't do because you've never tested what those boundaries even are.
00:41:21.68
So yeah, you gotta, you know you can't.
00:41:24.88
You can't be the best version of yourself without knowing yourself again.
00:41:28.28
That's that target, That's that goal setting, right?
00:41:30.12
You have to set a goal.
00:41:31.48
You have to.
00:41:32.24
You have to define what success looks like.
Speaker 1
00:41:36.08
You have to make steps and you.
00:41:37.92
I think that's that's the other thing.
00:41:39.52
Like, I know people who like have dreams, that's all they are, dreams and there's nothing wrong with a with having a dream.
00:41:47.64
But I guess, again, a little bit of a doer, like I want to work towards those dreams.
00:41:54.40
And and even if you don't get there, you get somewhere and or maybe the dream changes, right?
00:41:59.96
Like, that's OK too.
00:42:02.20
But to be able to even if when when you talk about relationships, what do you want to have?
00:42:09.84
If you don't at least come into the relationship with an idea of what you want, all you're doing is taking that other person and then again, you're just losing yourself so.
00:42:21.04
You have to start with the vision and modify if you need to or want to see where those fit together.
00:42:27.24
But I I think you'd have to start with what that vision is.
Speaker 2
00:42:30.80
Yeah.
00:42:31.88
Yeah, Again, you have to set it and only you can and you have to define it.
00:42:36.20
And I think by investing in yourself, by doing a self-directed leadership program, you know, like yours, I mean that's that's an investment in you.
00:42:46.24
And I think that the payoff is in spades, because you have to invest in yourself, period, in a story, because no one else is going to do it and no one else can do it.
00:42:59.84
No one else can do the work for you.
00:43:01.84
Have to do it for yourself.
Speaker 1
00:43:04.68
That's right.
Speaker 2
00:43:05.36
And I I think the imagery that comes along with it stays with you also like.
Speaker 1
00:43:11.84
Not just having words, having music, having imagery, having all of that, putting that together.
00:43:18.16
It helps you in those moments of crisis, right?
00:43:20.84
Like you have an image already that you know you can come back to adjust.
00:43:26.44
Like, I I'm, I'm OK with adjusting all the time.
Speaker 2
00:43:31.40
But starting somewhere, having an image, and going forward from there is is powerful, powerful part of not letting yourself get overwhelmed, exactly.
00:43:42.80
And like, understanding that that's just part of the journey.
Speaker 1
00:43:46.16
That is part of the journey, right?
00:43:47.72
Like we have storms and then we go put the shingles back on the House, right?
Speaker 2
00:43:52.20
Amen.
00:43:52.40
And then we come back stronger than what we were, right.
00:43:55.72
Like we always come back.
00:43:57.32
And like that's the goal.
00:43:58.36
You always try to.
00:43:59.12
Again, we don't make mistakes.
00:44:00.48
We just have opportunities to learn something.
00:44:03.64
Yes, but you can't just take a mistake and then keep making the same mistake and then wondering why nothing's changing like 'cause you haven't learn.
00:44:12.64
Like you gotta learn and you gotta move forward and you have to adapt and you have to grow and you have to evolve as a person so that you don't keep making the same mistakes.
Speaker 1
00:44:22.52
What's your favorite phrase or piece of information that you would want to share with our listeners today?
Speaker 2
00:44:29.60
I would say that if having a favorite phrase is a really hard question for me because I I live on phraseologies, I think that they make it's easier for you to remember them.
00:44:40.96
You know, as a coach myself, I want people to be able to take things home and remember them.
00:44:48.20
But I think that one of the takeaways that I would say is create your own mission statement, Look at a list of words of positive words, pull them out and then say to yourself, OK, how do I craft these into being the best version of who I want to become?
00:45:06.68
Because I think that it really is a challenge to achieve that.
00:45:12.92
But you have to, you have to name it.
00:45:15.32
You have to really put some thought and invest that time and energy and give yourself that space to create that cause.
00:45:22.24
So I would say if I was to give you one thing, one phrase, one take away, I'd say create your own mission statement, Create your own mission statement and be and and then strive to become that and fulfill that every single day.
Speaker 1
00:45:36.04
Good one.
00:45:37.60
And do you reset yours or do you live?
00:45:40.32
Do you have a kind of a repetitive 1?
Speaker 2
00:45:43.04
Well, I haven't reset it and I've only had it for two years, but I, you know, I I really, I'm a strong believer in affirmations too.
00:45:51.52
One of my favorite affirmations is I make decisions that align with my goal.
00:45:56.44
Because if you write that 25 times, which I don't do anymore, but it really every single decision you make you put through that lens.
00:46:06.40
The ice cream bar.
00:46:07.44
Does this align with my goals.
00:46:09.04
The the spending, the shopping that I want to do.
00:46:11.80
Does this align with my goals.
00:46:13.48
The energy vampires, right.
00:46:16.36
Does this align with my goals.
00:46:18.24
So it's like it's a you can so I, you know, have a phrase, have something that really can help you use as a lens to make decisions with I think is incredibly empowering And it allows you to really train that, you know, take it back to the, you know, functional fitness.
00:46:35.44
It allows you to really train your brain.
00:46:37.56
Your brain's a muscle, your mind's a muscle.
00:46:39.36
And you have to you have to discipline it and you have to train it.
Speaker 1
00:46:42.92
Good one.
00:46:43.56
Tell me.
00:46:44.60
Tell our listeners how they can get a hold of you.
Speaker 2
00:46:47.16
If they were interested in shampoo, I would say go to my what someone has called confusing Instagram.
00:46:57.36
It is Arapitas ARAPIDIS.
00:47:02.16
It's a lot of IS and a lot of DS Agapo, which means love.
00:47:07.16
So AGAPO, Arapitas, Agapo.
00:47:10.44
It's on Instagram.
00:47:11.80
It's confusing because if you don't know me it is very dynamic but it's fun.
00:47:19.00
I think it's a party in a box but someone has told me it's confusing so check check that out.
00:47:25.64
If if you like the before and afters if you like the transformations then just send me a message.
Speaker 1
00:47:31.68
I never thought it was confusing, so that's interesting.
00:47:35.92
But I also keep too right?
00:47:37.64
So I have creatively efficient little more message on target.
00:47:42.76
And then my Angela J Buckley is like everything, Whatever.
00:47:47.32
This is my kid, This is my friend.
00:47:49.04
This is my racing.
Speaker 2
00:47:50.32
This is.
Speaker 1
00:47:50.92
My dog Outporn keyboard.
00:47:53.60
So yeah, a little multi passionate.
00:47:58.28
I'm good with that.
00:47:59.08
That's OK, You are too.
Speaker 2
00:48:01.16
Totally.
Speaker 1
00:48:02.76
Well, thank you very much.
00:48:03.76
Thank you for joining me tonight.
00:48:05.80
Thank you for sharing your story with our listeners and I look forward to talking to you again soon.
Speaker 2
00:48:12.40
All right.
00:48:12.84
Thank you for having me.
00:48:14.00
It's just I'm so glad you're in my life and thank you for what you're doing in the world.
00:48:18.80
I think that it really is making a mark on the people who are spending the time and investing in themselves.
Speaker 1
00:48:26.56
Thank you.
00:48:27.32
Thank you.
00:48:27.68
It's been fun.
00:48:28.28
You're welcome.
00:48:29.80
You've just concluded an episode of Overcome to become a leadership podcast focusing on leading yourself first.
00:48:36.32
Thanks for listening.
00:48:37.40
I'm Angela Buckley with Creatively Efficient, author of the Strength of Nature Leadership series.
00:48:42.68
Please help me to continue these series by writing a review wherever you prefer to listen.
00:48:47.68
Thank you for your time and interest.
00:48:49.56
I appreciate your support.
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