Are you an aspiring leader who knows you have more to offer but you can't seem to get ahead? Do you frequently feel overwhelmed and undersupported? Listen to the overcome to become podcast as we talk about actionable tasks and mindsets that you can apply to begin leading yourself. Hi, my name is Angela Buckley, your host and author of the Strength and Nature Leadership series. I'm a mother, consultant, triathlete and author and overcome to become. I share with you the science, fact and experience proven lessons I've learned in my own leadership journey to beat burnout. Thanks for listening.
Teresa. Thank you so much for joining. Today, we are recording the expert episode of Overcome to Become and it is the podcast that associates with these these Strength in Nature leadership series and one of the courses that I offer is called overcome the overwhelm and it just really helps people focus on getting some of the clutter out of the way so that they are prepared for leadership.
So we have crossed paths maybe 10 or 15 years ago.
Oh, my gosh. Yes. I've been in business now for 14 years, just hit 14. So, yes, it's been a long time. And thanks so much for having me. It's great to be here.
Thank you for joining. Thank you for volunteering and I'm super excited to hear how you work with people and how some of the things that you do, the value that you bring to your clients kind of coincides with some of the things that we talk about in overcome the overwhelm and strength and leadership strength and nature leadership. So why don't you start off by talking a little bit about your business, what you do and why?
I I think that would be really interesting.
All right. Well, thanks. My company is Growth Strategies Cafe. It's gone through the last 14 years, quite a few different iterations and...
Let's just jump to the why. I love supporting other women. I love being there and helping them see
Their value to see the gift that they have and what they're bringing to the world, the difference that they can make. I recently added to my website and it said, you know, am I? Or maybe it was on my Facebook, but, you know, am I audacious enough to compare myself to Michelangelo? You know, who, who was able to, he saw the granite and within it he saw that, you know, the Angel run it out. And I feel like that's what it is because there are so many.
Women in this space and they know they want to do something, they know they want to make a difference. They want to make an impact for themselves and their communities, and it's being able to see that within them and then help them see it as well. And the greatest gift in my life is being able to to walk alongside them and help them do that.
So at Growth Strategies Cafe, I work with online female business owners. And just that, tell me where you're at, tell me where you want to be. We're going to map out what's going to get you there. But I focus so much on your next best step to keep it simple, help you focus so that you know, it's so easy. And I see so many women who come into this space and especially the online space and there's so much noise and there's.
All these you could do this, you could do that, six figures, this, that and the other. You know that it's possible.
But it may not happen as quickly as you're led to believe that it's going to happen. And so many times we get caught up in trying to do the big thing that we missed the steps right in front of us that will actually prevent us from getting.
Oh, so providing the maybe the magnifying glass on the next step. Nice.
So much fun.
OK, I like that. Do you know that on my LinkedIn profile, my mantra is helping others help themselves?
I love that so.
It's it just really felt like it resonated when you were describing you're why I love it.
One, when I look back the the thread through it all is providing you with the tools to succeed because we don't know what we don't know.
Right, right. Fantastic. OK, so during season one we have talked about setting SMART goals, visualization, adjusting when the SMART goals no longer work for us.
And a few other things that are just like those dip your toe in the water getting started with finding some clarity. So where, where does that fit in your journey with talking to clients and helping them move forward.
Where do you start?
We've started the foundation for it all Mission vision and values, OK, because that is so it's that light, it's like the guiding light because you can always come back to this, right? Is this whatever the opportunity, is it aligned with my vision? Is it aligned with my mission? Is it aligned with my values? Because many times we get opportunities that it might be off a bit on our values, but we think all the exposure.
For the opportunity and everything else. So we can kind of say, well, I'm gonna go ahead and do this anyway, even though we feel that thing right because there are core values.
And recently I've just been thinking a lot about this in life, not just in business.
I was questioning the other day if maybe it's time for us to trade.
New Year's resolutions.
And things like that for mission vision values, to actually spend time looking at what am I here to do? What is the change that I want to affect, you know, to to bring to life for other people and then, you know, into the vision. And and it's different for everybody, right. You know, stop shooting on ourselves. We need to stop doing that, right. So it's not what not what should I do or what should I be doing.
But what am I here to do truly?
I don't do New Year's resolutions. I have never done them even when we were in school. And they're like, you should do one.
Couldn't get behind New Year's resolutions?
Um, I do like the word of the year or the phrase of the year, something like that.
And I feel like to your point that that value like what's your core value, so many people cannot answer that one. I asked that question of my clients.
And and some of the exercises that we have are going through to I help them articulate what they are. Many times they know them, they just don't know they know them, right, like that's that's your guiding behavior, but we help them articulate them so they can live those values out loud.
Absolutely. And then you can see again, whatever the opportunity, whether it's going out with friends, whether it's showing up on a podcast, you know, whatever it is, is, is this an alignment with my values? Because it, and we do know because we know how we feel when it's not. We may not know that's what we're feeling, but it's there. It's like I do believe that we have all the answers inside of us.
We just maybe haven't uncovered them yet.
What are some of the things you do to help people uncover their answers?
Well we always start with mission because the values as we're having the conversation and work through mission and mission and vision, a lot of the values start showing up. I can hear with you know what is being said. So when we get to that part and and I'll point out different things as we're talking and so like when we get to that part sometimes it's a lot easier to say ohh this right this is it for me personally when I'm like.
Core values. And I didn't even realize it for the longest time because I think integrity is, you know, and I think these other words that sometimes we interchange. But it's candor. I love having honest conversations, not hurtful conversations, but honest conversations. And with both people understanding that there's no ill intent, you know, there's no jabs or anything else, let's just discuss it.
And I think, you know, there's a lot of clarity in that as well.
In candor. So for me to come to that, it was a conversation I was having with someone else and she mentioned that being one of hers. And I'm like ohh, you know, because it's like that's what it is that encapsulates all of it right so, so many times.
I think many of us are verbal processors and know realizing. So it's in conversation that the things come out and sometimes having those conversations of candor that we're able to see it because we feel safe in that conversation.
You know, it's interesting that you say that, because growing up we were told not to gossip.
And being the engineering minded person that I am, it also meant that I didn't talk through problems because I thought we were supposed to not gossip, and talking meant gossiping. That's how I that's that's what I understood.
And it hampered my ability to build relationships but also to solve problems because in fact there is value in learning how to.
Voice the issue at hand without it being catty.
And so learning how and maybe that doesn't exist with children yet. And so that was part maybe I just avoided, but I don't know because I didn't try. And then as I came into leadership positions, I was better able to say.
Joe, I need to speak with you about this person and not.
Not to be catty, not to be rude, but I need to talk through. Can you provide a different perspective?
Took me a while to learn how to talk and not feel guilty like I was gossiping cause that was such that was such a critical thing that we were taught you shouldn't do. But how do you learn somebody else's perspective? How do you see it from a different way if you don't ask for help?
It that was a that was a big growth learning thing for me, that verbal processing part of that.
Well, I'm so glad you learned it. And we bring, we all bring so much from our childhood, right? Well, many people, most of them.
But you know that the things Chatty Cathy, you know in busy bodies and and all of those things that.
I think sometimes they wanted us to not maybe embarrass them or they didn't understand where we were coming from, you know, because we were kids. I remember once my mom, we were had gone to visit a friend that we didn't see. I had never been to her house before and I was maybe 8-9 years old and she has so many interesting things. Like my sense now is that she traveled, but she had so many interesting things.
Everywhere and I was just asking 1,000,000 questions, you know, and my mom is. We were outside, there was something even in the yard and I was in my remember my mom said.
She got back until many questions because she didn't want it to be. I guess I've seen this, that I was rude, you know, right and I this has stuck with me from that early, early age and I think enabled me and at times to be able to ask the questions. She said let her ask, that's how she learns.
Yes, just like, blown away. Even as a kid. Like, that was very cool right there. That was very cool.
Yes, which is probably why she traveled and had so many interesting things because she also asked questions.
So great. So let me ...sorry, let's go look back. I feel like I pulled this off off track a little bit but...
Mission. So we were talking about mission and how we get to mission. Where do we go with asking those questions? And so do your right, you just said, but this is how you learn and this is how we help our clients maybe is by asking the right questions, the guiding questions.
Ohh, I agree. I've had clients say that, you know, when we talk about the transformation that's happened and they said, they said to me like, ohh, my gosh, you just ask me the right questions because and that's also why I think we have all the answers and inside of us it's we just don't know they're there yet because no one's asked that question in that way.
And this is just an aside. This is one of the reasons I think as a businesswoman, as humans in this world, that we need to show up as who we are, exactly who we are. Because you can say things in a way that only certain people can hear it. We could say the same thing.
And we're going to say it in a way that certain people are going to be hit. They're not going to be able to hear it from me. They're going to be able because you put your own special sauce on there, your experience, your perspective. And so when we ask people these questions about, you know, what lights you up, you know, allow, just allow anything that comes up, just allow it to happen, to come out. It doesn't mean that you're going to go out and start doing that tomorrow.
Maybe it does, but at least give yourself the opportunity to explore that to just we talk about dreaming and I don't even see it as dreaming. I see it as as.
Taking that bottle cap off and just letting it all come out put doesn't all out on the table. Explore it, see what it is. Doesn't mean again that you're going to go do everything tomorrow, but you get to know yourself so well. So there's so much exploration that happens. A good mindset, coach, friend of mine, Mindy Heebner talks about that. You know, she's constantly saying what if you were to get curious about that?
Right. So it's that curiosity and that asking of ourselves and if we don't know the questions, then having someone else asked you to lead you down that path to where you again in a situation where you feel safe, where you can have this conversation.
That that's, that's awesome. I was just talking to I mentor engineers at OSU and the topic of this week was development and growth, and I said be curious, ask questions, be curious, right? That was the word that I probably said it...
20 times in a minute, right? I mean just how we how how do you get them to help them selves grow their own career and and these guys are young it's like their first year in their engineering kind of survey class and they're advanced kids so they're they're younger than most of the students I mentor and it's hard to say what's your five year plan, what's your 10 year plan I mean.
They're 18 years old. No one knows what 10 years looks like down the road, and even if you have a plan, you shoot for the stars.
But even then, you don't know which star you're shooting at at that point.
That's the truth.
So. And that's a common interview question.
You know, just as an aside, I sometimes think about how we expect these young people at 18 years old to know what the heck they want to do with the rest of their lives, right? So asking these questions about mission and all of that, it's it's kind of crazy, isn't it?
Thinking back now, I'm 62 and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I I probably did think that I knew everything back then, but that, you know, we all know as we get older, it was a drop in the bucket."
Right. I I don't know. I didn't feel like I knew when it came to like life plans. I knew I wanted a job. I knew I wanted family.
But how that looks exactly I I wasn't sure and.
Right. And when we think about just that a family and and getting married is.
I guess maybe there are people who are like have mapped out their ideal person, right. Whether that's in business, you know, can apply to both. But back then, you know, we wanted somebody who would be nice to us. He was cute. You know, we we had these very superficial, I feel like I know I did superficial ideas of that person, you know, and not how that was going to carry us into life, into raising children.
Into building a life. It's it's kind of insane. And that's why I think this mission, vision and values, when we think about it like that, about our life and we can do this at any point, we can do it at 18. It's going to change. That's why I was thinking about the New Year's resolution things. I too am not a resolutions girl. I think we can set intentions.
You know I love word of the year. I'm not even sure if I'm going to have one this year it I let it find me so it hasn't yet and it normally has by this time. But yeah I think that when we look at the mission the vision and values right and and how does that apply to our next year and you know a three-year plan as you were saying A5 year plan we can we can then.
Move towards that in that time. But we don't know who's going to show up and steal our hearts. We don't know what job opportunity is going to show up and where it's going to take us. You know, I there are some people who know that they love to travel and they want to actually work in another country, right. And and they know that and they feel that that, and they follow it. And kudos to them. It's so many of us, though.
I know in my lifetime I've had more people. Just because I love deep conversations, so I love to hear people's stories. So even aside from work there, there are more people who were just weighing it and that were being intentional about what they were creating. And I think I know there were times in my life where I thought I was the odd girl out because I knew I was flying by the seat of my pants.
I didn't realize that everybody else was too, or a good number of the people around me.
But that's why I prefer the question of what is your value? What do you value not what is your value, what do you value and how do you live that?
Because I think that defines more about your behavior and then what that looks like.
Is a little more malleable based on what your life's circumstances are.
Yeah, I I don't not sure I know how else to explain that except that I think that it's.
Healthier psychologically instead of saying, oh 18 year old, why don't you have your life mapped out right.
It's not even a fair expectation.
It's not. And, you know, I think for anyone who is in that position where it's like, you know, what, what is my mission? What is my vision? So I think we have to start with what lights you up, you know, what lights you up, what makes you happy, what brings you joy?
That's one of my questions in the value class, right? Exactly that. What lights you up?
I love it.
And it's and it's staying away from those shoulds.
You know how many times I know? I've read numerous stories where people were in college and, you know, cramming for a test and books piled up all around them, getting great grades, doing all the things, and they were so freaking miserable.
Because they were living somebody else's dream for them.
You know, not what they should be doing, and that's not always the case. I don't deal in absolutes, so that's not always the case. Some people are right where they're supposed to be and where they need to be for their next best step, and there are those who aren't. And so if you're feeling that inside, first of all, there's nothing wrong with that feeling lit feeling. Listen to it.
Listen to it and work with it. So allow it's that allowing yourself to open up and look at things. Call it dreaming if you want. We don't, you know, we don't all use the same names for things, but allow yourself to just say and answer that question and it's not something you have to ask. And you have a split second answer, like sit with it, let it come to you. The more we chase things, the more evasive they are, so allow it to come to you.
And and listen, just be open, be curious as we've talked about. And then that vision, you know, some people may have a vision that, hey, I want to take my kids to Disney in three years. That's OK, that's wonderful. You know, somebody else might want to take their family or their loved one or themselves alone. Maybe they like to travel alone. Maybe they want to go backpacking through Europe. You know, that's OK too.
It's, it's listening to what's right for you and staying away from everybody. Elses, shoulds and I just want to throw in there that when it comes to our values, you know they're there. Someone asked me not too long ago, are we talking about business values or are we talking about values? And I'm like, well.
Personal values? Yeah. What? What's what is that? What is that even? What's the business value?
Because wherever you go, you're taking you.
With you. All right. So whether you work for someone else or whether you work for yourself, they're your values. And again, what's important to you? What do you stand for? And sometimes what are you don't stand for? What do you stand against? So I'm watching that and it's already there. Like we've talked about, like it's showing up in your life. It's just paying attention to it to say, oh, that's why I didn't go to that thing. That's why I felt uncomfortable.
In that situation, you know, whatever it may be. And the same thing, on the other hand is like, that's why I feel so good. That's why it's it. You can just fill it resonating when you're in your position. We talk about being in our zone and that's it. Pay attention to those things, because that is like shouting to you that this is the thing that lights me up.
I like that. Especially now we're just getting ready for the Christmas season. What lights you up? Like, what's your light?
Yes. So it's good.
What else would you like to share? We have just a few more minutes.
If someone wants to get ahold of you, how do they get ahold of you? And then I also have one other question. If someone is really feeling overwhelmed, what is? What's your advice? Whether it's business or personal, both doesn't matter. How do you help them unstuck themselves?
So yeah, let's talk about that: Stop.
Stop, don't force, don't push ahead. It's, you know, just let it go for a minute. And sometimes I know if the kids are are screaming and somebody wants dinner and all these other other things, sometimes it is just, you know, stepping out, maybe even out on your back porch or out your front door for just a count of 60 and take that breath. I think in any situation, you know, you can find time later, you know, because you have to go get dinner or whatever the situation is. But.
In business, in life, I think the most important thing to do is to stop.
Just pause. You don't have to stop for a long time. Just pause, catch your breath, and and reassure yourself. You know what? I know the answers here. I have to make the time now to sit down and figure out what they are.
I like that. That's good.
And I'm on Facebook. I know it's not the most popular place to be. It's I've not found Instagram to be my thing. I deleted my account last May 2021. I might do another one just so I can talk to you. I don't want it for business. I might use it for personal use. But yeah, I'm in. I'm on Facebook. You can reach out anytime. The website isgrowthstrategiescafe.com and I would love to talk with anybody who wants to talk about.
Anything business, anything about this life that we made? Like I said, I love to hear other people's stories.
And that's in the coming year. What we're going to talk about more on our podcast is the Growth Strategies Podcast. OK, you can find that all places that you can find a podcast all.
Right. Well, thank you very much for joining me today. I really hope that our listeners get some value from listening to you, to your stories and the offerings that you have and I really.
You know, I enjoy talking, catching up with you all the time anyways, so it's a it's a pleasure to hear you and see you again.
Angela, thanks so much for having me. It is such a pleasure to be here. And just like you, I love catching up, connecting, and thanks for spending time with me today.
Oh, yeah. My pleasure. So, OK. Thank you very much. We'll talk to you soon. Bye, bye.
You've just concluded an episode of Overcome to become a leadership podcast focusing on leading yourself first. Thanks for listening. I'm Angela Buckley with creatively efficient author of the strength and Nature Leadership series. Please help me to continue these series by writing a review wherever you prefer to listen.
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